I'm just going to start off by saying I know I've been gone, and while there really shouldn't be much of an excuse for being a spoilt brat, which reading my past entries and what-not, I have been. I just really miss having the connection that I once had with people. And my safety net is virtually gone.
So, a recap.
I lost my job at Energizer (which is where we paused at). Searched for three weeks until I got a job at a local gas station. More about this later.
I'm in the process of joining the Episcopal church in town. Yay.
I went to an Antistotic Family thing (now known as AF), where I got to basically run the thing after about 10 PM, because I've done the special event plus alcohol thing. It was not amusing. Those of you who are laughing, stop that. :P Seriously. I got to listen to my future father-in-law sing "Friends in Low Places" in such a stupor that I'm surprised he was even able to stand up. (Never hire a bartender who downs every other shot. Common sense, please. -.- )
Gas station. Yes. Look up Hell. This is what this place should be. Abusive boss (my manager), nepotism rampant, and I get to deal with this at the great price of my soul being beaten down daily, coming home and crying my eyes out, and followed by rampant cursing. In fact, this is what I wrote in my Moleskine about yesterday.
I'm really loathing work.
Seriously. I am miserable when I open the door and miserable when I leave.
My boss may be a lovely woman, I'm sure, but, my biggest fear at work is that her straightforwardness and her literal screaming at me to "slow down and (I kid you not) FUCKING THINK" and to "move my ass and hurry up" when I work at things is going to break me down until I am nothing inside, to crush my spirit and to conform to every last detail that ISN'T covered in her "training manual." Did I mention that there is no training manual? That's right. I'm learning all of this from multiple people how to do things. In fact, I'm not sure how one can hurry up and slow down and think at the same time. I, for one cannot be in two places at once, nor can I be in two separate brain-states at once. Ugh.
I'm still learning. I've only been there a total of nine days. It takes the human brain 28 days to learn a new habit. Breaking them takes much longer, and it's harder to do them both at the same time. At Godiva, I had three five day weeks to understand how to do things and also had countless things to read (and even after I was completely trained, I had books and tapes I had to watch to garner the information to be a good chocolatier.
I'm sick of people like my boss not knowing how to work with employees to do their jobs accordingly. Not once, before working where I am now, has one of my managers raised their voice in anger to me about a problem with me. Nor have they criticised me in front of other coworkers or customers. Perhaps it's where I've worked, but I can't see this as being professional. In short, I feel that I haven't been treated well, and honestly, I'm at a crossroads. The girl I'll be replacing for a time is the manager's daughter, who is great with child for the third time and will probably deliver in a few weeks to months, and is the "assistant manager," which means that she barely lifts a finger and gets paid for it. I'm just sick of it. The nepotism, the abuse, and the near constant trouncing is enough to make me say that they can have their dysfunctional store and just leave. I'm half-tempted to just quit after tomorrow and be done with it.
I'm going to stop whining now. And restart praying the Serenity Prayer.
, I got your book, and I'm starting to read chapter by chapter. It's hard to not put down, my dear. And it came on the best day for it to come...yesterday, the day from Hell. Thank you, my friend, for sharing your gift of writing with me.
I'm heading to bed. Thanks, everyone.