(no subject)

I'm going to write this now, as I feel that I'm still trying to figure out who I am in my beliefs.

I am a Christian, no doubt. I am a sinner, too, but through grace, I have been saved. I totally believe in the Nicene Creed. And I believe in miricles and things that science cannot explain.

Lately, with all of this talk of the End Times (which I know this to be, but it has been the End Times for the past 2000 years), I'll freely admit that I am insanely scared. Not only for me, but for my friends and family that have not accepted Christ. I pray for them every day. I mourn daily for those who turn away from God daily and rejoice for those who find Him.

But honestly, I'm scared. Based on the prophecies I've read (and it doesn't help that my aunt has sent me the entire Left Behind series..and yes, I read them...but like everything else I read/see/etc., it's taken with a grain of salt) and then having a very vivid imagination, and being a complete coward about things, I'm honestly just scared. I'm sure this is either A) normal, B) irrational, and C), insane, but that's how I feel. Honestly, as I write this, I am trembling because I feel I can't get full peace. I would call that a Holy Spirit nudge, myself, or perhaps I tremble because I'm afraid, or it's both. It will be a terrifying time, with an insanely awesome reward.

I don't believe in the Rapture, let me make that quite evident. I'm open to the fact that it could happen, however, what I've noticed is that the main group that does believe in the Rapture is the American church. I've talked with Christians of other nations, and I always get this "huh?" look when they hear people talk about the Rapture. But that's me.

I'm far from being the strongest Christian out there. And for years, I relied upon service to God equals proper spiritual nourishment. I know now that it's not, however, going to my parents Charismatic church, almost every other Sunday had some sermon on the terror of the End Times. In fact, how very fire and brimstone.

I know that Christians will be and have been tortured and ridiculed and mocked for their beliefs, and will continue to be. And this is where my cowardice comes in. I don't think I'm a good Christian because I can't handle this. I can barely handle high-pressure sales.

I've got a lump in my throat, and a tear in my eye, and I just want to feel peace, right now, and be sure that God is working for me, not against me.

Abba, my Daddy,
I cry out to you for your everlasting peace, and I reaccept Your Son into my heart. For years my foolishness has pushed You away, and Daddy, I never wanted to that. I love you, and to forsake You is to forsake me. I am a sinner, and it is because of Your Grace and Your Love for not only anyone who has lived to those who live now to those who will live but also for the very least of people, me. I wish to honour You with my living, and I wish to honour You in my life choices.

By the blood of Your Son and the amazing grace of the Holy Spirit,
Amen.

(no subject)

I'm going to write this now, as I feel that I'm still trying to figure out who I am in my beliefs.

I am a Christian, no doubt. I am a sinner, too, but through grace, I have been saved. I totally believe in the Nicene Creed. And I believe in miricles and things that science cannot explain.

Lately, with all of this talk of the End Times (which I know this to be, but it has been the End Times for the past 2000 years), I'll freely admit that I am insanely scared. Not only for me, but for my friends and family that have not accepted Christ. I pray for them every day. I mourn daily for those who turn away from God daily and rejoice for those who find Him.

But honestly, I'm scared. Based on the prophecies I've read (and it doesn't help that my aunt has sent me the entire Left Behind series..and yes, I read them...but like everything else I read/see/etc., it's taken with a grain of salt) and then having a very vivid imagination, and being a complete coward about things, I'm honestly just scared. I'm sure this is either A) normal, B) irrational, and C), insane, but that's how I feel. Honestly, as I write this, I am trembling because I feel I can't get full peace. I would call that a Holy Spirit nudge, myself, or perhaps I tremble because I'm afraid, or it's both. It will be a terrifying time, with an insanely awesome reward.

I don't believe in the Rapture, let me make that quite evident. I'm open to the fact that it could happen, however, what I've noticed is that the main group that does believe in the Rapture is the American church. I've talked with Christians of other nations, and I always get this "huh?" look when they hear people talk about the Rapture. But that's me.

I'm far from being the strongest Christian out there. And for years, I relied upon service to God equals proper spiritual nourishment. I know now that it's not, however, going to my parents Charismatic church, almost every other Sunday had some sermon on the terror of the End Times. In fact, how very fire and brimstone.

I know that Christians will be and have been tortured and ridiculed and mocked for their beliefs, and will continue to be. And this is where my cowardice comes in. I don't think I'm a good Christian because I can't handle this. I can barely handle high-pressure sales.

I've got a lump in my throat, and a tear in my eye, and I just want to feel peace, right now, and be sure that God is working for me, not against me.

Abba, my Daddy,
I cry out to you for your everlasting peace, and I reaccept Your Son into my heart. For years my foolishness has pushed You away, and Daddy, I never wanted to that. I love you, and to forsake You is to forsake me. I am a sinner, and it is because of Your Grace and Your Love for not only anyone who has lived to those who live now to those who will live but also for the very least of people, me. I wish to honour You with my living, and I wish to honour You in my life choices.

By the blood of Your Son and the amazing grace of the Holy Spirit,
Amen.