Wow, it sounds like that was a very intense memorial service on a lot of levels. It's great that your family made some effort and seemed to come closer -- funerals seem to make people realize the crap they've carried for years really doesn't mean much of anything in the long run. For all the ones I've heard about where people continued to carry their grudges, there are these like you experienced where families are actually trying to move beyond hurts (at least for the moment) and exist as families instead of strangers.

I am so thankful for bereavement leave! When Nathan's mom and dad passed away I was able to use it (unfortunately twice in one year...) but it gave me the time to breathe air between choking emotions. And I didn't think I needed all of it, either, but the final day was strangely like an unexpected vacation day -- very peaceful and healing. I remember thinking it was kind of a gift from Dad and God together...

As time goes by, think of something that you would have enjoyed doing with your Grandpa and then do it with someone else in his honor. It will give you joy to do it even if it is painful at first... remembering how you enjoyed it together and sharing it with someone else celebrates his memory and keeps it fresh as you share that part of him with someone else.

May God's face shine upon you today,
May His hand be upon your back,
May you find rest and grace for every need,
God grant you Peace. Amen.